Invitation wording when parents are hosting

The opening line of an invitation says who is doing the inviting. It is one sentence, it is read in two seconds, and in a surprising number of families it is the single most discussed part of the whole day.

The reason is that the host line used to mean something specific. It named whoever was paying. That is rarely how it works now, so the line has quietly become a way of honouring people instead, which is a much kinder job for it to do.

One family hosting#

The traditional form names the parents in full and describes the couple by their relationship to them.

Mr and Mrs James Harper request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter Sarah to Thomas Reed

If that reads as stiff to you, it will read as stiff to your guests. There is a warmer version that says exactly the same thing.

Together with her parents, Anne and James Harper, Sarah and Thomas invite you to celebrate their marriage

Both families hosting#

The cleanest solution when two sets of parents are involved is to name them both and to stop worrying about who is contributing what.

Anne and James Harper, together with Marie and Peter Reed, invite you to the marriage of their children Sarah and Thomas

Order matters less than people think, but if it matters in your family, alphabetical is a defensible answer that nobody can argue with.

You are hosting yourselves#

Most couples now pay for most of it, and the wording can simply say so without making a point of it.

Sarah Harper and Thomas Reed invite you to celebrate their marriage

A slightly warmer version brings the families in without claiming they are hosting.

With the love and support of our families, we invite you to our wedding

When a parent has died#

There is no correct form here, only the one that feels right to you. Some couples name the parent anyway, which is a quiet and lovely thing to do.

Sarah, daughter of Anne Harper and of the late James Harper, and Thomas Reed invite you to their marriage

Others leave the host line simple and remember the person elsewhere, in the order of the day or in a line at the ceremony. Both are right, and nobody reading it will judge you.

When it is complicated#

Divorced parents, step parents, a parent who is not speaking to another parent: this is common enough that it has its own guide, and the short answer is that you almost always have more room than you think. See divorced and remarried parents on an invitation for the wordings that work.

The general rule is that a host line with four names in it starts to read as a legal document. If your list is getting long, switch to the collective form and let the detail live in the speeches.

Together with our families, we invite you to celebrate our marriage

Requesting, inviting, or asking#

Three registers, and they set the temperature of the whole invitation.

• Request the pleasure of your company. Formal, traditional, correct for a church or a very formal room
• Invite you to celebrate. Warm and modern, and the one most couples land on
• Would love you to join us. Informal, and perfect for a small day, a garden, a second marriage

Whichever you choose, keep it consistent with the rest of the invitation. A formal host line above a chatty description of the bar reads as two invitations stapled together.

Say the true thing#

The host line is not a receipt. Choose the version that describes the day you are actually having and the people you actually want named, and let the tradition catch up with you. Nobody has ever declined an invitation over the first line.

The rest of the invitation is covered line by line in wedding invitation wording, and if the question is really about whose names appear at all, start with whose names go on the invitation.