Adults only wording that nobody takes badly

Deciding on an adults only day is easy. Telling people is not. The line has to be unmistakable, because a vague one guarantees somebody turns up with a four year old, and it has to be warm, because the people reading it love their children and are about to be told to leave them at home.

Be explicit, once#

The most common mistake is hinting. Phrases like "an adult celebration" or "a grown up evening" are read as a preference rather than a rule, and a guest who is unsure will assume in their own favour.

We are having an adults only day, so we can all relax and enjoy the evening.

As much as we love your little ones, this is an adults only celebration.

One sentence, plainly stated, on the invitation itself. Not buried in a website nobody opens.

Give a reason, briefly#

A rule with a reason is much easier to accept than a rule without one, and the reason does not have to be dramatic.

The venue is small and the evening runs late, so we have kept the day to adults.

We would love to give you a night off. This one is for the grown ups.

That second framing does a lot of work. It moves the sentence from something being taken away to something being offered.

The exceptions, decided in advance#

Most couples make one or two exceptions: a baby still being fed, the children in the wedding party, a family who has travelled from abroad. Decide these before the invitations go out, not after somebody asks.

If you are making exceptions, say so in a way that does not open the door to everybody.

Aside from our two flower girls, this is an adults only day.

Guests are much better at accepting a stated exception than a discovered one. The version that causes trouble is the one where somebody spots a child at the ceremony and had not been told any were coming.

Where the line goes#

On the invitation, near the practical details, in the same voice as the dress code. It belongs beside the time and the place because it is information, not a plea.

It also has to reach the household it applies to. This is the strongest argument for addressing invitations by name: an invitation that says who it is for answers the question before it is asked, which is the same principle covered in plus one wording.

The guest who asks anyway#

Somebody will. Usually apologetically, usually because childcare fell through, and usually two weeks before.

Answer quickly and kindly, and answer the same way to everybody. The damage from making one exception is not the child at the wedding, it is the second family who finds out and had a harder journey.

We would love to have them, but we have had to hold the line with everyone. We completely understand if that means you cannot make it.

That last sentence matters. Giving somebody a graceful way to decline is part of the kindness.

Practical help costs you nothing#

If several guests are travelling with young families, a single line about local childcare turns a problem into a solved problem.

The hotel next door has a babysitting service. Ask us and we will send you the details.

You do not have to arrange it. You just have to have thought about it, and to have said so.

Expect a few declines, and mean it#

An adults only day costs you some guests. That is the trade, and it is a perfectly reasonable one. What you get in return is the evening you pictured, and the parents who did come are usually the ones enjoying it most.

The fuller conversation about children at a wedding, including how to handle the family who takes it badly, is in children at weddings. For the sentence that sits directly above this one on the invitation, see dress code wording.